Media personality Ciru Muriuki has addressed common but unhelpful remarks people make when consoling those who are grieving. Drawing from her own experiences of loss, Ciru shared guidance on what to avoid saying, urging Kenyans to exercise empathy and understanding.
Personal Loss and Lessons Learned
Ciru endured two profound losses in recent years. She lost her father in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, an experience she described as her first encounter with true grief. In 2024, she faced the death of her fiancé, actor Charles Ouda, further deepening her understanding of the complexities of mourning. She explained that grief is not linear and that support often diminishes in the second year after a loss, making this period particularly challenging. These experiences taught her patience, compassion, and empathy toward those navigating sorrow.
Statements to Avoid When Consoling the Grieving
In a video shared on November 13, Ciru highlighted five statements that should be avoided:
- “It is well” – Ciru remarked, “I will slap you because it is not well. It’s the opposite of well. Shut your mouth.”
- “They are in a better place” – She countered that what she truly wishes for is for her loved one to be alive with her.
- Claims that the deceased wouldn’t want their loved ones sad – Ciru questioned, “Did they tell you that? Did they come to you in a dream? Do not tell me what my loved one wanted. They would have wanted to still be here.”
- Motivational clichés suggesting grief makes someone a better person – Ciru asked, “I needed to lose my person to be a better person?”
- Telling parents who have lost children they can “have another child” – She emphasised how hurtful and insensitive this remark can be, likening a child to a replaceable item.
Public Reaction
Kenyans reacted online, sharing additional examples of unhelpful phrases, including “Everything happens for a reason,” “Take heart,” and “Let me know if you need anything,” highlighting how such comments can aggravate grief rather than comfort.
Addressing Viral Rumours
Ciru also addressed viral rumours linking her to the deaths of former partners, dismissing them as absurd and laughing off the wild claims. Her message encourages compassion and attentiveness, reminding people that mourning is deeply personal and that words matter when supporting those in pain.
