WHEN YOUR HUSBAND DOESN’T PROTECT YOU FROM YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW (OR OTHER TOXIC RELATIVES)

When in-laws become unbearable, it’s not solely your responsibility to handle the situation. Ideally, your husband should step in, especially if his family is causing the friction. But what if he won’t?

Christmas often brings extended family into focus, amplifying any existing drama. If your husband refuses to confront his mother (or any toxic relative) on your behalf, or fails to acknowledge the problem, it can be incredibly frustrating. Many women face a mother-in-law who is sweet to her son but hostile when he’s not around. Some husbands genuinely don’t see it; others are emotionally unequipped to address the issue.

While it’s vital to read comprehensive advice on dealing with interfering mothers-in-law, here are some key strategies to consider:

Embrace Love, Not Conflict:
Your mother-in-law may never be your best friend, and that’s okay. Remember, she’s your husband’s mother and possibly your children’s grandmother. Pursue a relationship with no expectations, avoiding power struggles. As James 1:19 advises, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Romans 12:18 echoes this: live at peace with everyone, as far as it depends on you. Aim for emotional aloofness, seeing her hurtful comments as ridiculous rather than personally attacking.

Set Boundaries Wisely:
While maintaining peace is essential, it doesn’t mean tolerating abusive behavior. If situations become intolerable, you must remove yourself. Balance is key—being generous and kind can go a long way in easing tensions without sacrificing your self-respect.

Handling toxic in-laws, especially when your husband is reluctant to intervene, is challenging. Strive for a peaceful, respectful relationship, even if it means maintaining some emotional distance. This approach can transform your holiday experience, reducing stress and conflict.